I am one of millions who has depression and anxiety. I will not use the word suffer because it’s who I am.
I am lucky that I don’t have COMPLETELY debilitating depression or anxiety. I say completely because while I have days that it hurts to get out of bed and all I want to do is pull the covers over my head and sleep or cry, I get up and shower. Then I go and fall asleep on the couch. But I moved and that is a huge accomplishment.
Some days, I make myself leave the house, even if it’s just to go to target or get gas in my car, even getting the mail is movement.
Most days, I’m ok and able to function “normally” Some days I put on a smile and go out and fake it so I don’t spiral
Some days I just don’t fall asleep at all because my brain won’t shut up and since I can’t live on Xanax, I let my brain run wild. Those are the hard days, because while my body is so tired, my brain just won’t shut up and then I have to take something to sleep.
Some days are good Some days I have anxiety attacks and then will be ok for a few days.
Some days are good
As long as I remember to breathe
(that’s gonna be my tattoo, as drawn by my niece)
I moved to NJ about 10 years ago. Before I moved, my sister said to my mother, I hope Rachel doesn’t get dependent on me, I have my own friends”
Well, that worked out well. For about 10 years, we have been making fun of my sister for that statement. I love her tons and love that we get along so well. I adore watching my niece every Wednesday and one Saturday a month (really I do)
I love going food shopping Sundays with them
I love having to find a babysitter because my sister doesn’t have time
I love going to her house to wait for the heating/AC guy because she has to work and can’t take off (In her defense, she’s a doctor and rescheduling patients is harder and I am not working)
I love going to her house because the kid is sick and she can’t stay home from work (see above)
I hope I don’t get dependent on her
Someone I don’t know, never met and only saw her name on posts from mutual friends killed herself the other day.
Honestly, it doesn’t affect me in any way. I’m sad she felt she had no other options but emotionally, I have no feelings on it.
I know someone who killed herself and tried to kill her 6 month old daughter so she wouldn’t be a burden to her dad. The baby is now 13. I remember finding out she died like it was yesterday. I remember not being able to think and feeling horrible for her husband.
I want to say that suicide is NEVER the answer, but sometimes. for the person, unfortunately it may seem like it is and that’s horrible and awful.
Suicide, contrary to Mash’s theme song, is not painless. It hurts the people left behind. There is always someone to listen, a doctor, a friend, hotlines. There are even apps now that will contact you with mental health professionals to talk to for free
It’s awful that she felt this was her only way out and her family and friends are in my thoughts
I do. I have stuff I want to say but just don’t. I have no idea why.
I have been out of work for over 2 years and it sucks balls. I’ve been going on interviews but obviously not getting the job. One place said they LOVED ME but were concerned I wouldn’t come in during bad weather due to the commute of (gasp) 20 minutes. I was like whatever.
I have been spending a ton of time with the Princess. She is so funny and smart and getting to be a wiseass. I’m so proud
I got my tx for NYCC15. they should be in the mail shortly and I should have them in hand by end of summer wOOt
I’m excited and upset since my boyfriend Chris Hardwick isn’t going to be there. His stupid best friend is getting married. (I’m kidding, he’s not stupid but I’m still holding a grudge) but Nathan Fillion will be there so that’s something. and I get to hang with LN and brother and SIL and friend of family L so that’s fun.
I’m trying to make myself a deal to write at least once a week if not more often.
Will you read?
Not a new me.
I don’t make resolutions. I’m not gonna keep them so why bother. That being said:
I will empty and fill my dishwasher every day
I will do laundry ( wash fold and put away) 2x a week
That’s it. That’s what I want to do for myself this year
Issues: Commercials everyone hates them, and most people watch stuff on DVR so they can zip through them.
I’ve been watching a lot of shows on my Ipad and using the channel apps so I’ve been having to watch commercials and HOLY SHIT some of them are so stupid
Example: there is one for Sprint, a group of women, one is Judy Greer, and the girls are yelling about the new iphone and all these glasses breaks….WTF who gets that excited about a phone plan
How are all new shows#1. I do believe that is pretty much impoosible to have so many #1 shows.
I can’t belienve I’m gonna admit this, but I like The Mysteries of Laura. It’s cute, Debra messing is adorable, It’s a clever procedural. Not groundbreaking in anyway, but cute.
I also like Stalker. BUT, the who dun it, not the characters. if they interact during the storylines of the who dun it, they are fine, if they interact when there are just talking, HOLY CRAP they are horrible people. The writing is horrible and I’m really ashamed to admit I watch it.
So, what’s your big issue or small issue and your secret shame
Here’s the conundrum
I have anxiety.
I have the fun anxiety that doesn’t turn my brain off at night because I have to worry about EVERYTHING.
Some valid worries like will I get a job. Some that are out of my control like what will I do if/ when something happens to my parents and some totally irrational ones like is there a dent in my mattress
I posted on Facebook that anxiety is when you care to much about everything
I also posted that one of the greatest mental freedoms is when you don’t care what other people think of you
But not caring what people think of you and caring to much…is that counteractive
I don’t give a damn what people think of me. You like me great. You don’t fine. Most do the time I am in my own head and not paying attention to what you are thinking about me anyway. Unfriended on FB. Ok. No skin if my nose, I can guarantee I won’t notice until someone tells me
My life is my own. Your life is yours If you choose to share your life with me that is fantastic. If you don’t, thats fine also, but know that if you think I’m going to be upset about it….sorry to disappoint It’s more likely I won’t notice
It doesn’t mean I don’t care, it means that my Meds are working and my life is actually taking precedence. But if you need me….call, text or email. I promise I will listen because if you let me in your life and I let you in mine it’s because I do care. A lot