Important health advice for women

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas.

Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.

Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Margaritas.

Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas.

However, women who wouldn’t mind becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include, but are not limited to: –

Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration – Erotic desires – Loss of motor control – Loss of clothing – Loss of money – Loss of virginity – Loss of bladder control – Attraction to ugly men – Table dancing – Headache – Dehydration – Dry mouth – A sudden desire to sing Karaoke

WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing, even if you cannot carry a tune in a bucket.

WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can converse intelligently with members of the opposite sex without spitting. *Margaritas are also available in a faster-acting generic form, known as tequila .

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Stupidest.Conversation.Ever

Co-worker –  how was your birthday

me –  it’s next week

Cw –  really

me – yeah -the 21st

cw – really – I thought that’s why you took off

me -nope –  it’s next tuesday

cw   really – has it always been the 21st

me – well -only since 1970

cw  – wow -you’re old

me – I’m pushing you down the stairs now.

A lazy post but no bullets

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive…. so, I took her to a gas station….. and then the fight started….

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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.  Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.  I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.  And that’s when the fight started.

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.  The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age.  I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.  I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.  So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.  She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.’  And then the fight started…..

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.  My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’   ‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’  ‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’  And then the fight started…..

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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of
his car.  You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. he was a DWARF!!!  He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!!!’  So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’
And that’s how the fight started…..

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.  ‘I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.’  He said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’  ‘Nah, she can order for herself.’
And that’s how the fight started…..