It’s a big month.   My birthday is this month.  44.   That’s a lot of numbers


I’m going to NYCC (New York Comic Con) this coming weekend.   I’m so freaking excited I can’t stand it.

Im gonna see the Walking Dead and Chris Hardwick and Arthur Darvill and possibly the League and so much other stuff.




Caring is good.

Here’s the conundrum

I have anxiety.
I have the fun anxiety that doesn’t turn my brain off at night because I have to worry about EVERYTHING.

Some valid worries like will I get a job. Some that are out of my control like what will I do if/ when something happens to my parents and some totally irrational ones like is there a dent in my mattress

I posted on Facebook that anxiety is when you care to much about everything

I also posted that one of the greatest mental freedoms is when you don’t care what other people think of you

But not caring what people think of you and caring to much…is that counteractive

I don’t give a damn what people think of me. You like me great. You don’t fine. Most do the time I am in my own head and not paying attention to what you are thinking about me anyway. Unfriended on FB. Ok. No skin if my nose, I can guarantee I won’t notice until someone tells me

My life is my own. Your life is yours If you choose to share your life with me that is fantastic. If you don’t, thats fine also, but know that if you think I’m going to be upset about it….sorry to disappoint It’s more likely I won’t notice

It doesn’t mean I don’t care, it means that my Meds are working and my life is actually taking precedence. But if you need me….call, text or email. I promise I will listen because if you let me in your life and I let you in mine it’s because I do care. A lot

Pet peeves

Definition of PET PEEVE

: a frequent subject of complaint
Everyone has pet peeves.  Some have a lot, some have a few, I think I have way more then is normal
1.    My name.   I love my name.  It’s normal and common, but not very common.   There were 2 Rachels in my entire high school.  Of course there are now 4 Rachels in my office, but I was there first so I win.      But it drives me nuts when people shorten my name.     I hate it.   I use to correct people but after dealing with it for 40 years, well ok, 35, since I probably didn’t care until I was 5, I just grit my teeth and say yes.
What’s effed up,though, is I shorten peoples names all the time.   I do it to my BFF, Robin , all the time.  I constantly call her Rob or Robs,   I don’t do it on purpose and I know she doesn’t like it, but it’s done out of love.
However,  my sister always calls me Ray or Rach and I HATE IT.    Most of the time, I let it go.  But every once in a while I will add the second syllable to my name.   She will say Ray – I will say Chel –   or she will say Rach and I will say el.    This cracks up the Princess, who will then call me one of them over and over
My brother does it also, but he will call me Rachey which isn’t a shortened version, it’s just stupid.     And he does it to annoy me.   My nephews, having learned from my brother, and are natural born teases will then start to call me Rachey also.   And then it becomes Rachey-poo,  Ray-Ray, or something of that line . When they were little and couldn’t say Rachel, they said Ra-Ra or Chachel, which was cute, because they were learning, but now, they just are teases.
It also drives me nuts when people spell my name wrong, I spell my name for everyone when I leave messages.  So why do they still send me mail with my name spelled wrong   Because they are stupid morons who don’t pay attention.
2.  There are certain words that when I hear them, I cringe.       The first is  LUNCH.  Oh my god, I hate that word.   I don’t even like saying it.    It’s my favorite meal, but I will always say- wanna get something to eat before I say wanna get lunch.
The other word I hate is Toilet       It’s just not a good word.    I think it’s actually the worst word in the english language (aside from the other BIG WORDS THAT SHOULD NEVER BE USED)  My friends are so awesome that they know I hate these words so they use them as often as possible.      I have to use the toilet before we go to lunch.   Really –  say you have to pee or poop or use the bathroom      It’s just gross.
which leads me to…..
3.  The word Shit.      Wait, what, I say shit all the time.    I don’t give a shit,  No shit, you’re a shithead but when someone says they have to take a S***(I can’t even write it in a sentence in that context) I get so grossed out  I actually gag.   Say you have to poop    Poop is a funny word.   It gets the point across.   Also, why are you telling me.      I don’t want to know.
There are also a couple of commercials that I can’t stand, but they are local commercials and no one would get why they drive me nuts  If I can find links to them, maybe I’ll let you hear them (They are radio commercials)
So what drives you nuts?  What are your pet peeves.

A quick follow up

I need to clarify

I don’t care if my friends do stuff together and become friends on their own.   When R1 and R2 go away for the weekend, while yes I would have liked to have been asked, I know it’s because R1 knew I wouldn’t have been able to go.  What bothers me is that they hid it from me.   I know they are going to have fun

And what bothers me about J1 and R2 not telling me stuff, it’s not little things, it’s big things like pregnancy and one of their mothers having a stroke.  I am happy and sad for the person (same one is pregnant and mother had a stroke)   R2 knew since Thursday and it didn’t occur to either of them to tell me until the next week   I know I’m not the one that matters in either instance,  but the fact that they were talking about it and it didn’t occur to them that I may want to know because I am their friend also and care about them and would be there for them.

I know they aren’t going to dump me as a friend.  That’s actually the least of my worries.   I know we are all friends for a reason and that won’t change

I don’t know why it bothers me.


I have friends. (Shut up). I like when my friends become friends with each other but…

I have a friend R1 and a friend R2. I was the link between the two. I’m glad they are now independent friends but they made plans to go away for a weekend and didn’t tell me or invite me.

I have a friend J1. I introduced her to R2. They got along and that is great. They go to bars together which is great since I’m not a big bar person. They always ask me if I want to go and sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. The problem I have is they tell each other stuff then say it to me like I already know. Basically they forgot they didn’t tell me.

I know its petty and dumb but it bothers me that my friends are becoming better friends with each then with me

Looking back

I was reading the blogs and read over at Junk Food 4 The Soul about how she is going to remember this year.

It made me think.    How will I remember 2009.   It was the year I started therapy.   It was the year I realized I really hated parts of my job.   It was the year I went through a major depression that kept me out of work for 4 months.


It was a great year.   A really good friend got married and we had a blast at the bachlorette party and the wedding.  I made some really good friends that I didn’t expect to make this year.   I found out who I can trust, and was surprised by who they were.

I went to some great blogging activities in 2009.   I went to my first Avitaween.   I went to my 2nd TequilaCon. I went to ReNYC.

I am almost done school so hopefully I will have a new job in the next few months.

Even though the year wasn’t great, It  ended up being a pretty good time.

I am and I’m not

I am clever, but I’m not as clever as others

I am smart, but not as smart as I act

I am funny but if you don’t “get” me, then I’m not

I am sarcastic but I’m not mean

sometime my sarcasm and my funny coincide

I’m not popular, but I will stick by my friends till they can’t be stuck by anymore

I am popular because I have several really close friends and other friends that I want to be better friends with.

I am happy but I’m not

I am depressed but not in the same sense that others are

I am me.  Take me or leave me (Rent alert)

You get what you see and you see what you get.   If you like me awesome, if you don’t most likely I won’t realize it or care.  If I don’t like you, most likely you won’t realize it until I tell you, which I won’t do.  I won’t purposely hurt feelings except if you hurt one of my kids or friends.

I AM ME   I like me   I hope you do as well