Definition of PET PEEVE
What’s effed up,though, is I shorten peoples names all the time. I do it to my BFF, Robin , all the time. I constantly call her Rob or Robs, I don’t do it on purpose and I know she doesn’t like it, but it’s done out of love.
I thought it was real. I loved you forever.
I stood by you through the drugs and alcohol and the rehab.
I stood by you through the other women
I stood by you when people thought you were gay.
I loved you in a real and amazing way
You could have loved me back. In my head we were the perfect couple.
You could have loved me back. If you knew I existed.
Then you went and got married. And I died a little inside.
I still love you and I always will.
Goodbye Robbie, until your next cd comes out, we are officially over.
Ok We are back together. I love him I can’t help it. He’s sooooooooooooooooo damn sexy and his voice is awesome.
I was reading the blogs and read over at Junk Food 4 The Soul about how she is going to remember this year.
It made me think. How will I remember 2009. It was the year I started therapy. It was the year I realized I really hated parts of my job. It was the year I went through a major depression that kept me out of work for 4 months.
It was a great year. A really good friend got married and we had a blast at the bachlorette party and the wedding. I made some really good friends that I didn’t expect to make this year. I found out who I can trust, and was surprised by who they were.
I went to some great blogging activities in 2009. I went to my first Avitaween. I went to my 2nd TequilaCon. I went to ReNYC.
I am almost done school so hopefully I will have a new job in the next few months.
Even though the year wasn’t great, It ended up being a pretty good time.
I am clever, but I’m not as clever as others
I am smart, but not as smart as I act
I am funny but if you don’t “get” me, then I’m not
I am sarcastic but I’m not mean
sometime my sarcasm and my funny coincide
I’m not popular, but I will stick by my friends till they can’t be stuck by anymore
I am popular because I have several really close friends and other friends that I want to be better friends with.
I am happy but I’m not
I am depressed but not in the same sense that others are
I am me. Take me or leave me (Rent alert)
You get what you see and you see what you get. If you like me awesome, if you don’t most likely I won’t realize it or care. If I don’t like you, most likely you won’t realize it until I tell you, which I won’t do. I won’t purposely hurt feelings except if you hurt one of my kids or friends.
I AM ME I like me I hope you do as well
I’m not afraid of death. I’m not. When I die, I’m dead and won’t know what is happening to the people I left behind – that’s not to say that I WANT to die. I mean I know that when my grandparents passed away, we were a wreck, and I don’t want my family and friends like that. But what I’m saying is I know if something happens to a family member or friend, I know how I will be as “the one left” vs “the one gone” Again I don’t want to die, but I’m not afraid to. But that doesn’t mean that I won’t be crying like a newborn if I am ever in a life or death situation. I am a wuss after all.
But once I’m gone, I’m gone. When my sister was little she asked my mom what happens after you die. My mom said You Rot. Needless to say, religion was not a big part of my childhood. I don’t not believe in God, but I don’t believe in him/her either.
I know that if I die, I will be thought of everyday by at least 5 or so people, hopefully others will think of me and say
Remember when Rachel did….
And that’s ok.
I know when something happens to a family or friend that is what I do. We were talking the other day about my grandparents and things we use to do with them.
I had the grandmother who cooked all day
I had the grandmother who though ketchup was a main food staple (fyi, I HATE ketchup)
I had the grandfather who was loves sports and was strong and amazing
I had the grandfather who passed away when I was 15 months old and all I know about him is that he loved music.
I think about them a lot. Not every minute of every day, but often. When I see the kids and how NE loves baseball, – would he and grandpa have been the two who sat and watched sports together
Would the great grandparents have thought my nephews and niece were as funny and smart and fantastic as we do. Would they smile and laugh the way we do when LN shouts out show tunes while sword fighting.
Would they laugh while listening to the princess giggle and would they have fallen in love with her the same way we all did from the first second we saw her picture.
It makes me wonder.
But I’m not afraid of dying. I’m just not ready for it yet. I have way to much living to do.