I think a lot

I have been in therapy for about 3 weeks and had an “a-ha” moment. I was telling my therapist that I didn’t get any sleep the night before because I was freaking out that I didn’t have toner for my printer. I mean literally freaking out.

First. I need toner. If I don’t get toner I can’t print the stuff I need and if I don’t print it than I can’t send it to the people that need it and than I won’t get the stuff I need.

Second. Ok. I can go to staples tomorrow and get the toner

Third. Crap. I’ve been to staples and they don’t have the toner I need

Repeat step one

No. They Have to have it. I got the printer there so they have to sell the toner.

Repeat step one

No. I just need to find the right toner

Get out of bed and look at toner ( it was now 3 am). Ok. I need the toner that has that picture of like a bow tie on it.

Go on to staples website and look for it.

Repeat step 1. For an hour and cry

Check office max and Amazon and HP and toner.com REPAT STEP ONE ANDCRY EVEN MORE

5 am. Fall asleep from crying

6 am. Alarm

Go. Ok. Take a picture of the type of toner you need and go to staples and find it.

Check website. They open at 8. Freak out until then

7:55 leave house and go to staples Look for toner by picture. Can’t find so repeat step,one in the store hoping some sales person will see me and ask if I need help (they don’t).
Ask front desk guy. Where can I find this toner with this symbol.

He shows me. I buy it. Go home. Put it in printer and it works. Print what I need and all is well

Apparently I do what is called circular thinking. I immediately go to worst case scenario. Someone doesn’t answer the phone. They fell down and died.

He gave me some cognitive thinking stuff to do to stop it which seems to be helping. I’m still doing the circular thinking but instead of being stuck in the circle, I stop and work my way out if it. And it seems to be helping to not go back into it


2 thoughts on “I think a lot

  1. I do circular thinking, too! We are twins! I take medication but am also in therapy for it.

    And circular thinking about toner is just one manifestation of your anxiety. I hope therapy continues to work for you!!! xo

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