A joke

I NEVER HEARD < B>CREATION EXPLAINED THIS WAY BEFORE !!!
~
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with Broccoli, Cauliflower and Spinach, green and ye llow and red Vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would l ive Long a nd Healthy Lives.
~
Then using God’s great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, “You want chocolate with that?” And Man  said, “Yes!” and Woman said, “and as long as you’re at it, add some sprinkles.” And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
~
And God created the healthful Yogurt that Woman might keep the Figure that Man found so fair.
~
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
~
So God said, “Try my fresh green salad.”
~
And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
~
God then said, “I have sent you heart healthy vegetables, and olive oil in which to cook them.”
~
And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
~
So God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it “< /strong>Angel Food Cake,” and said, “It is good.”
~
Satan then created chocolate cake and named it “Devil’s Food.”< /b>
~
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds.
~
And Satan gave cable TV with
a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
~
Then God brought forth the Potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition .
~
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
~
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
~
And Satan created McDonald’s
and its 99-cent double Cheeseburger. Then said, “You want fries with that?” And Man replied, “Yes! And super size them!” And Satan said, “It is good.”
~
And Man Went Into Cardiac Arrest.
~
God Sighed and Created
Quadruple Bypass Surgery.
~
Then Satan Created HMOs.

Advertisements

Weekend wrap up and stuff

So I went to get a massage on Saturday.

My sister and the princess slept over Thursday night.   I had taken Friday and Monday off.   I took the princess to my parents Friday.    So we crashed around 9:30 or so (guess who was the or so)  I planned on leaving around 5 to miss traffic.    I woke up at 3:30 AM and was out of the house by 4:30.    The princess was in the car.  She slept, then she woke up, then she slept.   She was awake when I crossed the Verrazano bridge and there were 2 boats/ships   A mommy boat and a baby boat.  Then I told her about boats so big you can land planes on them.    That’s amazing said the 2 1/2 year old.   Then she fell asleep until we got to the exit for my parents house.   It was about 6:30 am or so.   I fell back asleep and by 10 we went to Home Depot and Sears.   We were gonna go to the food store, but someone was tired and needed a nap.   I took one, guess who didn’t.  So we went food shopping and went home.   She said   I tired and fell asleep for a few hours.   Kids are funny.

Saturday woke up and went to her room.  She was sitting in the corner of her bed and said  I peed.  So I changed her and then she went to her grandparents and proudly said – i peed on the bed.

R came over and we went to the LIRR and for massages.    A 90 minute hot stone massage.  It was heaven.   We got food after and got home around 10pm.

Sunday – poured – left my parents around 1 – pulled over because it was raining so hard I couldn ‘t see.   5 hours later I got to my house.    And collapsed.

I am off work today.   They are coming to paint the garage (done, should be able to put it back together in an hour) and the electrician is supposed to come to put the remote in my ceiling fan.

Now, if someone wants to come help me hang some pictures – all would be swell.

Did I tell you I was getting a new kitchen counter   It’s formica now.  Nice and still in good condtion, but I wanted Corrian so I am getting new counter and sink.  It’s really nice.  The color of the counter is Clamshell, which is a bisque based color (since my appliances are bisque) and a white sink –  I am so excited.   hopefully- w/in the next 2 weeks.