How not to quit a job.

So, J and I use to quit once a week (ok, Once a day) when we worked at our old office in NY. Our boss though never accepted our little post it’s or emails saying we quit, she always said resignations were only acceptable in (pick bizarre language here)

It didn’t change when we moved, but now we quit to each other and way more often. Sometimes I quit at 7:45 in the morning and work doesn’t start until 8.

This took place Thursday. I should mention, J and I are in different states because she is in training. You really can’t separate us, since we are really one brain.
Me : I quit (for real this time

J: No you didn’t

Me: I can’t answer -I don’t have access to email since I quit

J: Goon

Me: Freak

J: Dork

Me: Loser

J: Snot

Me: goober

J: Geek

Me: Whiner

J: misanthrope

Me: Fish lover (and I mean that in a dirty way)

J: that is just wrong. I’m not play this game with you anymore

Me: Yipee I win

J: No you didn’t

Me: yes I did, x infinity + 1

J: Nuh-uh

Me: Ya-uh

J: nuh uh :: Sticks fingers in ears:: lalalalalalalalalalala I can’t hear you

Me: Ya – huh – I said so :::pulls babies fingers out of ears while laughing manically and then sticks tongue out :)-

J: *teaches you how to spell ‘baby’s’ and returns the tongue sticking

Me: Hope you have gravy nearby because I am going to stick you head in it.

J: Only if you can catch me.

Me: Your old and won’t run because running is icky so I can catch you with my superspeed. It’s my new superpower

J: Invisibility is mine. So good luck finding me.

Me: I have sand I will throw in the air all around using my superspeed and superstrength and it will land on you so there :]—-

J: And roll right off because I am made of teflon

Me:Then I will use metal pieces that will scratch the teflon
(didn’t think I would have an answer to that didja)
J: But if you can’t see me, where are you throwing them?

Me: In the air and when they land it will make an outline
An outline of blood . (since it’s metal) Insert laughter here

J: Ok.. Go tell the nurse to give you your meds. Maybe if you’re quiet, you can find someone to play checkers with you

Me: I don’t like checkers. I like scattagories. But not boggle – boggle is dumb _I took medicine today. I took my allergy medicine – my “other” medicine my vitamin and my calcuim. _I’m a good girl. I take my medicine every day. Well I don’t take the vitamin or calcium when I am not at work since I leave them here.

J: I meant your anti-psychotic meds. It’s ok, we all know you’re on them, so just go ahead and take them

Me: Shhhhhh I lost them. And by lost – I mean sold them for a lot of money on e-bay.

J: So then I should be talking to the prison warden about your condition.

Me: I wasn’t caught

J: Uh-huh. Now, knowing that I now know what I know, do you still want to want to stick my head in gravy

Me: No, I am sticking it bubble gum. – I wasn’t caught was I – I don’t remember being caught –

J: But I could tell on you and get you caught

Me; But I would blame you and take you with me. HEE HEE – I said with

J: My name isn’t anywhere near your illegal ebay transactions. I will not be implicated in your misdealings

Me: But I secretly laundered the money through your paypal account – that’s why it always takes two tries because I have to approve it.

J: You don’t know my password

Me: I asked sparky – he told me. So did your cat

(this is Sparky, he’s a fish)

J: They don’t know it. Well, sparky does, but he would never betray me. I never at sushi in front of him to be cruel

ME: Sparky is easy to break – I just held his nose under water so he couldn’t breathe (hee hee) and he broke like a something that breaks easy (the analogy part of my brain is dead)

J: I’ll have to talk to him about that. He’s supposed to be my number 1 fish

Me: But he knows I named him so he gave it up with a little pressure. It it helps, it took a good 2 minutes to break the little fish. (Yes, I named a fish sparky, I like the name)

J:I hope you didn’t hurt him. He’s still my favorite

Me: I would never hurt him. Though the mention of a garbage disposal may have been mentioned. I was being intimidating after all. I wouldn’t have really done it.

J: I hope not. My poor little fish

Me: Ha, poor my white backside – that fish is fleecing you. You give and give and he just hides. He tried to get monies out of me for the movies. I almost gave it to him to. Then I realized, fish don’t eat popcorn

Thank you for reading. We thought it was entertaining. After this, she sorta got giggly and we had to stop since she is in class.

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7 thoughts on “How not to quit a job.

  1. I also quit my job daily… actually, about three times a day. Unfortunately, I don’t say it to anyone else. I just mumble it over and over as I slam my head against my desk.

    I love your conversations. They are all OVER the place!

    Sparky should meet my betta fish, Inigo Montoya. Although, they would probably kill each other. So, yeah. Skip that.

  2. Sparky looks so handsome. What a good looking fish my little bughead is! (fishy fishy) I’ll have to show this to him when I get home. Training sucks.

  3. You guys are nut jobs! Truly hilarious. I shouldn’t be laughing this hard before I am supposed to go to sleep. Well, I should have gone to sleep about 2 hours ago.

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